I think i peed on brittanys purse
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
