so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
