There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
