Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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