he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
