just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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