True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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