that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
