So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
