she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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