i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
