Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
