im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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