Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
