She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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