hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
