elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
