I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
