Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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