i just had sex bonerless
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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