I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
