I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
