ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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