I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
