this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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