Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dick very happy bro
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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