I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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