Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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