i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i think my cat just said my name.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
