I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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