He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
