I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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