So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
