It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
