There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
pop tarts are not kleenex
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
