Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
