Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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