you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
