Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
