there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
