so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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