in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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