At least make sure they are 18
Why
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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