I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
