We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
