My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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