Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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