i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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