I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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