textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We had sex on a dog bed..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
