i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
