her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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