No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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