9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm like, not good at living.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
