I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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