So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
