she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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