forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
