you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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