Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
