I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
