He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
