I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
