Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
