we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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