with your own penis?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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