Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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