Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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