we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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