i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
