We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
