my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
