Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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