i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
