whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
