It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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