I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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