he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
