I feel like I'm in dance class right now
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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