You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no, he came in my armpit
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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