Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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