Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
