Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
