oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize