No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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