The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
